This was the first day of performance. The day was not too eventful, but I had a weird sensation throughout, even during the times when I was improvising beyond the script, that this was not a normal day, that there was a performance going on. I was suddenly looking at every simple action in the context of performing, noticing all the subtle signals and unspoken understandings we rely on without even consciously thinking of it. These are hardly new thoughts for me, but my experience of them felt particularly heightened today and it was as if I was seeing them all again from an angle that was off from my usual by one tenth of a degree.
The talk with Gail today was helpful – she asked some good questions and also introduced some different ideas about how to document and share my performance. I also realized how important it is to keep thinking about how this thing is developing and trying to understand what is going on. There are a number of different directions to explore. I anticipate different collaborators will come with their own motivations and ideas, and that is what can make this really interesting, but I think it is also important to be always aware of mine own as well.
[Setting: bedroom. 6am.]
LAUREN: [Gets out of bed and gets ready to go for a run. Humming to the sound of her vibrating toothbrush.] RRRRRMMMMMMMM….
[LAUREN is starting a new and foreign and exciting project. She thinks about it as she gets dressed and eats breakfast, though her thoughts are vague and inarticulate, for the most part. She realizes that perhaps everything that is in the future is the same as everything that is unknown. How she will feel today is a like a large, dark house. She will slowly make her way through the rooms, unsure of where the light switch is. She will persist, however, and by the end of the day, will have made her way through the entire house. What strikes her is the thought that tomorrow and the day after that will each present a new, large, dark house. She will have to go through the blind navigation again. She begins.]
[She then makes a mental note that maybe she should not think at all about the future. She should focus on what is happening only at that moment, only at that line of the script. Maybe she could even resist the urge to look ahead in the script. Maybe knowing that she is in the midst of a project, she can allow the experiences to flow by and see herself as a participant in them, without needing to think about it? Maybe by allowing external sources to be in control, she can free herself to just be, whatever she is at that moment.]
[Setting: outside. 730am. LAUREN arrives at her house following a good run.]
[Setting: Lunch - time TBA. LAUREN buys an extra piece of fruit while at her lunch, saving it for later.]
[Setting: grad studio. 1pm. LAUREN tells GAIL about her project.]
LAUREN: [LAUREN pulls out her phone and begins recording the first meta-discussion of the project] I’m doing a project. I’m doing it right now. I’m doing it always. It’s about me. Not just about me – you’re part of it, too. But I didn’t do that. It was, let’s say, written. Not written in the stars though… [LAUREN awaits for GAILs reaction before she continues]
LAUREN: [shows GAIL her website] See you are in the script here. You say, oh, I am.
GAIL: Oh, I am.
LAUREN: But the script for right now ends here. We can improv if you want.
[Setting: 4th floor computer lab. 2pm. LAUREN has finished her meeting and is TA'ing class. She uses a litote when she should use hyperbole. ]
LAUREN: Hi Casey, how are you?
CASEY: [responds affirmatively]
LAUREN: I started a new project today, I’m excited about it.
[Setting: grad studio. 3pm. Class ends, LAUREN returns to studio. Earlier at lunch she has bought a piece of fruit, and she gives it to someone in the studio (who needn't be present) who she thinks would appreciate it].
LAUREN: [to CASPER] Hi Casper. Can you write in my script? My life has been sort of boring today.
CASPER: Of course, Lauren. I will now write pages of beautiful prose for you to recite tomorrow and enchant the world with. I may not be a great writer, but I do know a thing or two about beauty. It’s kind of my thang.
LAUREN: Oh still on that beauty thing huh? Don’t you know that is so last year? Ugly is the new beautiful. I was thinking of making an iPhone app that lets you track how much ugliness you experience at any given moment.
CASPER: Alright, whatever, then I’ll just throw a bunch of disgusting stuff into your script. Just remember, you asked for it.
[Setting: MARS library. 5pm. MATTIA, DAVID, PETE are presenting work of various artists to class.]
[Setting: MARS library. 8pm. Class ends, LAUREN leaves MARS.]